Step 2 Men’s Gazette

Tradition 6

Short Form:

“An A.A. group ought never endorse, finance or lend the A.A. name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.”

Long Form:

“Problems of money, property, and authority may easily divert us from our primary spiritual aim. We think, therefore, that any considerable property of genuine use to A.A. should be separately incorporated and managed, thus dividing the material from the spiritual. An A.A. group, as such, should never go into business. Secondary aids to A.A., such as clubs or hospitals which require much property or administration, ought to be incorporated and so set apart that, if necessary, they can be freely discarded by the groups. Hence such facilities ought not to use the A.A. name. Their management should be the sole responsibility of those people who financially support them. For clubs, A.A. managers are usually preferred. But hospitals, as well as other places of recuperation, ought to be well outside A.A.—and medically supervised. While an A.A. group may cooperate with anyone, such cooperation ought never to go so far as affiliation or endorsement, actual or implied. An A.A. group can bind itself to no one.”

TRADITION SUMMARY

We Keep It In-House and Remember T5

Would you be surprised if I told you that I found the solution to my worries about financial problems by working the sixth tradition in my life? When I was drinking my primary purpose was pursuing sex and finances. In my early sobriety I did the same thing by devoting my energy to acquiring “money, property, and prestige.”

I was a bankrupt idealist. “We are all perfectionists who failing perfection, have gone to the other extreme and settled for the bottle and the blackout.” (“12 & 12”, Sixth Tradition, p. 156). The areas that affected my “money, property and prestige” and sex were the areas I gave all my perfectionist energy.

Without realizing it, I was losing my dedication to sobriety from my primary purpose: carrying the message to the alcoholic who still suffers.

It never occurred to me that God would take care of financial and relationship concerns a day at a time if I would let go of them and trust his plan with the same patience he had waited for me to come to him for sobriety. By devoting time and efforts to pursuing relationships and finances I was endorsing these things as my primary purpose by lending my name to their pursuit.

The first half of Tradition Six will likely never occur if I stay focused on Tradition Five. The more I stick to carrying the message, the less worries I have – a wonderful paradox. Bill Wilson comments in “A.A., Comes of Age”, (p. 109) on a similar paradox concerning the fellowship, “The more A.A. sticks to its primary purpose, the greater will be its helpful influence everywhere.”

Step-Tradition Parallel

The sixth step poses the question, how can I become entirely ready to have my defects of character removed? The answer is in the sixth tradition. In fact the sixth tradition describes my main character defects: the problems involved from seeking money, property, and prestige. The sixth tradition contains the solution to my problems of money, property and prestige: the more primary in my life carrying the message becomes, the less problems of any kind I have!

Therefore, observing the sixth tradition in my life by placing my primary purpose of carrying the message first, and not problems of my property, prestige or worthy outside interests, keeps me sober.

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Things Can Change

Mark C.

As many of you know, my last DUI was March 26, 2019.  Granted, I was arrested out of the backseat of someone else’s car but that’s a story for another day.  The focal point here is that my son was with me.  It was 5 days before his 14^th birthday.

I awoke in jail and only had vague recollections of what had happened over the previous 2 days.  When they had drawn my blood, I was over 5 times the legal limit.  As I walked home from jail in the rain that morning, Henry was on a flight back to Idaho. I wanted to die.  Two days later I checked into rehab, only slightly less drunk than when I’d been arrested.

Away from rehab, after my first court appearance, the first thing I did was call Henry.  His mother said he “wasn’t ready” to talk to me.  I received a letter from him shortly after that telling me that he just wanted me to get better.  More day passes from rehab for court, more phone calls, more refusals to speak to me.  I thought for sure he’d want to talk to me after I’d spent two months in rehab “bettering” myself.  I was wrong.

I sent him an A.A. chip with a card each month, telling him about my sobriety, A.A., and all the meetings I was attending.  I texted frequently to let him know how much I missed him and that I was trying to change.  9 months later, on Christmas Eve, Henry texted me.  Excellent! I was sure things would start returning to normal.  They did not.

But the texts continued.  I was hearing small details about his life.  It was an improvement.  I got up the nerve to call his cell phone on his 15^th birthday (thanks Mark W) but he didn’t answer or return my call.  Holidays passed.  More birthdays passed.  I stopped trying to call.  But the texts continued.

Then on March 5, 2023, I got the mother of all texts – “do you want to come to my graduation up here?”.  My heart skipped several beats while I typed “I’d love to!”.  The next two and a half months everything seemed better.  I finally had something to look forward to.  I’m not saying there was a spring in my step, but you get the idea.

I tried to keep my expectations low.  The invitation was the big thing, the first big step.  While trying to figure out how long I’d need to book a hotel room, I was picturing him showing me around town – where he worked, where he got his first ticket, that sort of thing.  Then I got a text that told me he’d have time for dinner the night before graduation but would be working all week and had plans on the weekend.  It’s cool, I told myself.  It’s more than you had yesterday.  Roll with it.

I arrived at the hotel on Tuesday afternoon.  We decided on a place for dinner over texts and Henry said he’d text me when he got to the hotel.  Instead of a text I got a knock on the hotel room door.  I was ecstatic to realize I had nothing to hide – no booze, no pills, not even any cigarettes.  We shared a somewhat awkward hug, and I stood there staring up at him, not recognizing his grown-man voice.  It was wonderful.

During dinner I’m afraid I rushed it.  I was about a minute into fumbling through some amends and noticed he’d stopped eating.  I tried changing subjects, but it was too late.  He told me he didn’t want to rush me, but he had somewhere to be.  I didn’t fight it.  I tried to roll with it.  We got boxes for our food, and he drove me back to the hotel.  I told him I’d see him at graduation the next day.  He thanked me for dinner, and I thanked him for coming.

My night with Henry was over.  I was trying to not let it get me down.  I’d seen my boy and heard his voice; two things I hadn’t done in 1,519 days.  Perspective.  I drove to Albertsons for a 12 pack of Coke and some chips, and settled in for a long, depressing night.  Then I got a call from my oldest friend.  His wife had just filed divorce papers.  We talked for a while, and when were done my situation didn’t seem so bad.

I arrived at the graduation an hour or so early.  I found a seat in the stadium and watched 300+ kids get their diplomas.  Henry’s mother sent me pictures and video from her perspective on the opposite side of the stadium.  That seemed fitting. 

I lost track of how many bars I drove by on the way back to the hotel.  What I didn’t lose track of was the fact that I had absolutely no desire to drink.  I felt like shit but that was okay.  I made it back to the hotel and the world didn’t fall apart. 

I kept my mind occupied on the drive back to Sacramento but once I was home, things started getting tough.  I no longer had the graduation to look forward to.  I didn’t have a week’s worth of great memories hanging out with my boy.  We didn’t have plans to meet up anywhere over the summer.  All I had was the realization that everything I’d been holding onto was gone and that I’d wasted so many years, and so many opportunities because of my drinking. I was seriously regretting the past.  I felt sick, and empty.

I called my pal Jeremy, and we hung out.  I didn’t talk about feelings, and he didn’t push.  But I felt remarkably better after that.  And the next day I felt better after chairing a meeting.  It felt good to be home. What do you know? Turns out I do know how to make things better!

Was it the reunion I’d dreamed of?  No.  Would I do it again?  Absolutely. 

Would this have happened without A.A. and Step 2 Men’s Group?  Absolutely not.

Are bigger and better things ahead? As long as I don’t drink today.

I want to thank each one of you for helping to make this reunion possible. You guys are the best.

Gratefully, Mark C.

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