APRIL 2
CHARACTER BUILDING
Demands made upon other people for too much attention, protection, and love can only invite domination or revulsion. . . .TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 44
When I uncovered my need for approval in the Fourth Step, I didn’t think it should rank as a character defect. I wanted to think of it more as an asset (that is, the desire to please people). It was quickly pointed out to me that this “need” can be very crippling. Today I still enjoy getting the approval of others, but I am not willing to pay the price I used to pay to get it. I will not bend myself into a pretzel to get others to like me. If I get your approval, that’s fine; but if I don’t, I will survive without it. I am responsible for speaking what I perceive to be the truth, not what I think others may want to hear. Similarly, my false pride always kept me overly concerned about my reputation. Since being enlightened in the A.A. program, my aim is to improve my character.
Tradition 04
Short Form
Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or AA as a whole.
Long Form
With respect to its own affairs, each A.A. group should be responsible to no other authority than its own conscience. But when its plans concern the welfare of neighboring groups also, those groups ought to be consulted. And no group, regional committee, or individual should ever take any action that might greatly affect A.A. as a whole without conferring with the trustees of the General Service Board. On such issues our common welfare is paramount.
Tradition Summary
OUR DECISIONS AFFECT OTHERS
For too long, I thought I was autonomous in my own right; this is also called being self-centered or selfish, with “self-will run riot.” This Tradition helps me understand that I cannot take any actions harmful to others without dire consequences to myself. I learned that nothing was really good unless other people also were considered. If I don’t seek the advice and help of others in matters affecting them, then I again become God in my own life, the exact nature of my wrongs.
The one word that characterizes the fourth tradition is the word “decisions.” This tradition teaches me how to make decisions and maintain good relationships with God and you at the same time. The traditions show us how to get along with each other. The second half of the fourth tradition teaches me to consult others when I make decisions that affect them.
I am not to be a dictator in making decisions that affect other people’s lives (or the community) as I did when I was drinking. I need help from others, especially in matters affecting them. My goal is unanimity. <I repeat> If I don’t seek the advice and help of others in matters affecting them, then I again become God in my own life, the exact nature of my wrongs.
Step-Tradition Parallel
If I don’t seek the advice and help of others in matters affecting them, then I again become God in my own life, the exact nature of my wrongs. The steps help to restore my relationship with God (through inventory among other things) and the traditions show me how to get along with God (and others). I was God in my own life. I was a dictator. With others, I was just the opposite. I sought their approval. The fourth tradition solves this dilemma: I seek to be one with God and to be one with others about matters affecting them. There are certain things that must be done alone with God, such as writing inventory. Writing inventory is an autonomous function. Interesting parallel.
From an idea by George T.
Remote Learning
This Column began because my friend Mark W. Got it into his head that the Step Two Men’s Group needed a newsletter.
You know, in the meetings, I have said one of the operative words for success in the Program is Commitment. I’ve also said, that I keep my Step Four open, and continuously write down resentments, including what was my part in them. This gets you a co0lumn while I am on the road. I could have written it before I left but I need to resent myself a little bit.
A running and open Step Four is a handy tool for me. I have three daughters. It begins with “Oh, Daddy….” And virtually everything else I agree to trying not to think about credit card bills. I must do this to assuage the guilt I feel from the days I was drunk or stoned around them in their youth.
So I end up on the Coast of California in March – Glamping. Glamping is an exercise of renting a circular tent like thing that is reinforced canvas, with a dome like roof. They call it a Yurt. Upon arrival, after a six hour drive, I notice there are several small one and two room cabins going up a mountain with these yurts sprinkled in between them.
Did we look at the Cabins I wondered aloud. “Daddy,” my almost middle aged kid begins, with the setup, “the cabins are rectangle,” she says,” the yurts are circular and much more spiritual”. Good Gawd, I thought quietly.
Later I find that the yurts share a public restroom and showers while the cabins have a toilet and tubs. So that was Resentment One. I made a mental note.
A day or so later, my nieces husband arrives. I am not or try not to be judgmental. His entrance was like some big presentation. Within the hour of it, he had to show me his $65.00 bottle of Casamigos tequila – the George Clooney brand – and mention his six joints. Yeah, he became Resentment Number Two. He coulda kept it to himself. No one was ever gonna see that bottle again. It would find his wallet that hides for the duration when he visits.
I asked my darlings, why are we doing this in March? It was the only week available my daughters told me. Is there as reason for that I asked? Three days of downpour with winds between 10 and 30 mph answered that one. And let’s not forget the remaining clay like mud that attached to the grandkids and my shoes like magnets. That was Resentment Three.
I started looking for a meeting. I found a noon time affair at the Alano Club in Santa Barbara. It’s in a building that has quite a history going back almost 100 years. It was founded by the People’s Congregation way back in the day, 1926. It probably has had better days. It has a stage, but its semi filled in. Looks like it had rooms upstairs but … they’re gone. There was no food. There was no heat, and it was cold. There were a couple of pool tables but I didn’t see a complete set of balls. It would be a resentment but … I am from out of town, and still traveling. I am writing this from Santa Barbara now, and may want to go back there tomorrow. It’s just down the street, kind of.
In the big picture, things weren’t that bad. My kids are doing great. I have no idea how. The grandkids are adorable. We did have a few laughs, even when one of us got a tick embedded in the skin. It all worked out. Sober too. Can’t go wrong with that.
Contributed by John M.
My First Meeting
Please be “of service.” If you’ve never contributed a “My First Meeting”, please help to keep this column going…we need you! What do you remember most of your first meeting? It can be one sentence; it can be up to two paragraphs. Could be funny, poignant or strictly “clinical”. Write what you want…you might have enjoy writing it!
April Birthdays… IF They Make It!
April 4th… George T. celebrates 42 years
April 7th… Bill B. celebrates 31 years
April 10th… Mike T. celebrates 33 years
April 11th… Tim P. celebrates 6 years
April 15th… James S. celebrates 2 years
April 25th… John M. celebrates 11 years
April 26th… Lloyd A. celebrates 5 years
April 29th… Michael P. celebrates 5 years
If your birthday has been missed…. fill out the birthday form.
We really want to celebrate your AA anniversary because your birthday made ours possible!
Thanks everybody and apologies to you if you were missed or incorrectly noted.
First Wednesday… April 3rd
Come join a review of Step 4 on April 3rd (First Wednesday). “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”
John reviews the step corresponding to the number of that month on each first Wednesday. It’s a rewarding meeting with John outlining the step of the month, how he was challenged by it and how we tackle it ourselves, with and without success! Look for his monthly contribution in this edition!
Step 2 Men’s Group Believes…
“Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”
We’d never presume that the 12 Steps are not clear. Nor would we imply that they need ‘improvement’. However…for purposes of assisting to keep the meeting pointed in an important direction each day, the “Step 2 Men’s Group Statement” is read as follows:
Step 2 Men’s Group is founded on the belief that spirituality is essential to our sobriety.
Our group is non-religious, but we do not oppose anyone’s religious beliefs. We believe that respect for others and their beliefs is essential to our spiritual development.
Accordingly we ask that avoid criticism of others or of their religion or lack of religion, their race, ethnicity, national origin, age, sexual orientation, physical appearance, trade or profession, length of sobriety, or personal beliefs.
Our goal is to further our spirituality, our sobriety and our personal development, not to confront or belittle others. Always remember to be kind to others.
Our Trusted Servants Continue to Be:
The current Step 2 Men’s Group meeting schedule is Monday, Wednesday & Friday at Tim’s (3809 J St), Tuesday & Thursday online, Saturday in the park is “Daily Reflections” and Sunday is our Rogue meeting in the park. Each gathering is one hour. Great job men!
- Monday: Tim C.
- Tuesday: Mark
- Wednesday: John M.
- Thursday: Sean F.
- Friday: Jon B.
- Saturday: Dave M.
- Sunday: Mark C.
Want to add your name to the “Back-up-Help-Substitute Secretary List”? Just contact Group GS, John M., Treasurer Mark W. or any of our other Secretaries and let them know!
Extra Special Thanks Dept:
Thanks to our General Secretary John M. for Remote Learning, Dave and our Treasurer Mark W. for all your contributions. We’re still waiting for YOU gentle reader…Why don’t YOU contribute a short “something?” Any length, most any AA related topic. Reply now and it will get included next month!
Men’s Gazette – March 2024
Men’s Gazette – May 2024