July 1953
By: Anon. | New York, New York
THESE words to me and for me are three of the most important and significant in the whole program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
In the first place it was necessary for me to come to believe and accept the fact that I was and am an alcoholic. This was a difficult decision, for at the outset, it was just a theory or pipe-dream in the minds of others as far as I was concerned. I drank and got drunk innumerable times but still had my family, my home, my business and money in my pocket. How could I be a bum, an alcoholic?
Through the efforts of my wife, I went to an AA meeting one June evening, not drunk but in a fog, and did not like it, it was not for me. Why? because I was not ready. I had not imbibed sufficiently. So I went on my “merry” way until the following March, when I could not get drunk anymore.
Drinking to get drunk and drinking to get sober, without attaining either, finally gave me the glimmer of an idea. Maybe I was one of those alcoholics. I called for help, went to a hospital and got drunk the day I was released. I could not and would not believe that I could not drink and not get drunk.
I wanted to drink and stay sober and found it impossible, but I had to prove it to myself and I did in the only way I knew. I drank. Then a few months later I came to believe that I was powerless over alcohol, and the only thing that made me make this decision was booze and more booze.
I got dry, not sober, and regularly attended meetings. I heard other alcoholics tell their stories and they were sober far longer than I ever hoped to be and were enjoying it. There was a challenge and (thank God!) there was a response from me. If they could do it, why couldn’t I? I came to believe that there was something in this fellowship of ours. I began to belong to AA.
I learned many things, none new, but all new to me. I came to believe that AA was a force for good greater than myself. I eventually got sober; at least that is my opinion, for my thinking straightened out to some extent. I still have a long way to go, but the important thing was that I came to believe that AA and what it stands for could help me in my sobriety if I followed the suggestions of those who had gone before.
Now only in the past few months have I been able to find with your help another power greater than myself, one new to me. I have come to believe in a God, one I cannot explain, but one which I have come to believe can be of invaluable assistance and comfort as long as I ask for his guidance and will. Oh, I have done wrong many times in my sobriety, for I am human. However, I know this now: had I never had a drink, I would not have had what I have now. I would not have had to change my thinking and habits and try to get rid of defects of character. I would not have been an alcoholic, but a neurotic, a maladjusted personality, an immature person unable to face the problems of living. Alcohol was, in a sense, a force for good. It compelled me to do something and it, along with a small spark of decency, brought me to AA and only recently to my God. Yes, I have come to believe.
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The Prodigal Son