The Need to go Deeper

By: Richard D. | Shreveport, Louisiana

August, 2012

Uncovering all the harm he caused in his drinking days restored his compassion for others

STEP EIGHT: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Looking back, it is probably safe to say that I harmed many people whom I came in contact with during my drinking days.

My first stab at an Eighth Step list began easily enough, since I had sort of a head start by simply referring back to my Fourth Step inventory. But if I were going to be thorough, I knew I would need to go deeper—much deeper!

As a newcomer, it wasn’t too difficult to list most of the ways and persons I had harmed, because many were obvious and still on the surface. Easily found were injuries of money or property for which I would need to become willing to make amends. Then there were those impending legal dooms, simple to summon up, because the negative consequences loomed so large they were impossible to forget. Willing or not, I would be forced to take care of those.

Although I had a promising start on Step Eight, I quickly learned about damages that were not so obvious. These were not errors I had conveniently forgotten, but instead were slights obscured by the armor of selfishness and self-centeredness, which is typical of our common condition. We only see what we are able to see when we can see it. Only after clearing the surface, and continuing to look deeper, was I able to see more.

One such harm was that, by my actions, I had crushed virtually all the hopes of a close family who were helplessly witnessing me destroy the potential and great promise they saw in a strapping lad like me. I would hear the oft-repeated mantra: “The sky is the limit to what you can do with your life, boy, if you use the gifts you were given.” But I vanquished those hopes one by one, as I drank myself out of one golden opportunity after another.

It wasn’t only my family caught up in my destructive path. At many meetings I hear it often said that many an alcoholic is an “egomaniac with an inferiority complex.” That certainly applied to me, since I pretty much had a problem with everybody, which allowed for the potential to harm anyone I had anything to do with, directly or not. I rarely, if ever, saw eye to eye with anyone. Feeling better than and/or less than are also defining traits of many an ego-driven alcoholic with an inferiority complex such as myself. Thus, the importance of a deeper list came within view.

Digging beneath the surface of my conscious mind, I began to uncover even more harms that were not so obvious and yet cut others so deeply. If I was truly going to get any better, I had to find and keep the right tools to help me to enlarge and improve upon this newly found freedom I was handed by the Fellowship and program of AA. One such tool is a principle quite often ascribed to Step Eight: the principle of brotherly love—or what I would rather call human compassion.

If I am truly going to grow along spiritual lines, I’m going to have to walk with the truest spirit of human compassion for others I can muster in all of my affairs. I believe now that rigorous action coupled with conscious reflection and human compassion will gain me new opportunities for greater hope and harmony with all those I deal with—even ones with whom I disagree. As I continue to see the inherent worth and dignity in every human being, I will continue to live on a more level playing field with everybody. True human compassion is a tool that that naturally facilitates daily inventories; it quickly uncovers actions I take that require amends to correct damage done to the harmony of others.

More important perhaps, I believe applying the principles of true human compassion and true brotherly love will continue to give me the daily serenity, acceptance, courage and strength to view myself and others with loving, patient, tolerant and compassionate eyes that reveal unlimited opportunities to help myself and others along this road of happy destiny.